Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
