I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
