she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
