i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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