Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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