Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
