im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
