I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
