I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
