she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
