who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
