he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
