i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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