Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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