My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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