Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
