You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
