pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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