so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
