So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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