just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
