Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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