Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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