The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
