I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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