Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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