Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
