The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
