Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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