I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
