she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize