Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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