C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
