Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
