I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
