i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
