Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
