i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
