wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
