Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he fucked my hip out of place.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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