After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
