I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
