Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Randomize
