does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
