Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize