Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
