Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we made out on top of his cat.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
