What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
