Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
