went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
