....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
