dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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