hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
