I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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