I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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