In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
