My balls are so social today.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
