She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
