What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
