I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
