i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
