She is in my trunk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Mom said you looked used
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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