I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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