I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
