So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
